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Looks Good, Goes Well, Pricey; Drives Like An Alfa Romeo Should
Before You Take The Plunge, Wait For The Evidence Of A New Dawn
British Media Goes Dopey About Alfas; Remember The Pinch Of Salt!
*** out of 5

“Alfa Romeo has promised to reform so many times it would shame poor George Best”

 The fact that it’s so predictable doesn’t make it any less annoying.

    Alfa Romeo unveils a new car. It looks great, if you don’t get too close, drives fabulously well, sounds wonderful, electrifies you for a moment, and then lets you down gradually and relentlessly.

    Chinese food comes to mind.

    The ownership experience is lousy because the dealers are underfinanced and thin on the ground. The electronics will go phut. When you come to sell the car after two or three years, it’s worth peanuts compared with the BMW, Audi, Lexus or Mercedes you should have bought.

    Never again, you say.

    And then there are the articles you will read in the media, written by reporters who haven’t had to use their own money to buy an Alfa Romeo. They completely ignore all the evidence carefully gleaned over about 30 years, and declare the car fabulous, and how Alfa has finally turned the corner, or they’ve been taken in by the promise that “Honestly we’ve changed. Everything is fine now”.

    Déjà vu
    Last year at the launch of the Alfa Romeo 159 in Munich, Germany, I was treated to déjà vu all over again. New Alfa Romeo Chief Executive Karl Heinz Kalbfell pledged that the new 159 finally showed that the company had turned its back on its miserable customer service record.

    But many of the 159 launch cars were less than perfect, when only perfect will do for a brand with a past which wants to compete with the best.  One car broke down because of dodgy electronics and had to limp back to base. Other cars had assorted minor glitches including transmission whines and rattles; one had a mystery noise from behind the dashboard.

    All over again
    “Don’t worry, these are pre-production models,” said Alfa officials.

    Kalbfell, a former BMW senior executive, was mysteriously disappeared after less than a year.

    All this didn’t stop the British motoring press from ignoring all the evidence: “It could finally put an end to German dominance,” said Autocar. “Stunning 159 has the look of a winner,” said another British weekly, Auto Express.

    The jury is still out on the 159, which is on sale now in Britain, but that hasn’t stopped our sycophantic media rolling over to have their tummies tickled.

    Alfa Romeo is about to launch the new Alfa Brera coupe and Auto Express calls it “stunning”. It certainly is a nice looking car, but it’s not stunning. “What Car?” almost shakes the scales from its eyes saying that Alfa knows that quality and reliability needs to improve “and they (Alfa) pledge the Brera will win over the doubters. Time will tell”.

    You don’t say.

    Shame George Best
    Alfa Romeo has promised to reform so many times it would shame poor old George Best.

    And while I’m at it, there’s a 3rd indictment for Alfa to answer. “Autocar” magazine points out that the new Brera, of which more later, costs a couple of thousand quid (€2,850) more than the equivalent Nissan 350Z, and the BMW 3-series coupe is £1,000 (€1,425) cheaper. The base model is more expensive than the Mazda RX-8 and the cheapest Audi TT. You would think a sense of shame, and humility, not to mention a bit of marketing nouse, might persuade Alfa to offer the poor old punters a great deal to persuade them to forgive them for past offences. But no, Alfa has the arrogance to try and charge premium prices.

    Alfa Romeo executives were at it again with the launch of the new Brera. Déjà vu all over again squared. First we had the apology for past sins, then the emotional pledge that all had now changed. I await concrete evidence for that.

    What about the Brera, you ask?